Love and Live

Monday, December 7, 2015

Appreciating Appreciation

There’s a song called “Thank God for Dirty Dishes” that makes the point that if you’re lucky to have enough food to make dirty dishes, you should be grateful.

So instead of grousing about your property taxes, be thankful you own property. When you have to wait in line at the bank or are stuck in traffic, just be grateful you have money in the bank and a car to drive.

It makes sense, but that doesn’t make it easy.

I have to admit that appreciation has not been a natural attribute for me. In my more ambitious days when I believed that excess was not enough, gratitude seemed like a form of surrender and a very poor life strategy. After all, if you’re satisfied with the way things are, you’ll never make them better.

What a pity I had to reach my 50s before I began to appreciate appreciation. I finally began to see that it was irresponsible and irreverent not to realize how many things I should feel grateful for. I also came to realize how good it feels to acknowledge how good I have it.

Real gratitude is much more than politeness, like saying thank you when someone passes the salt or conveys good wishes; it’s a deeper psychological state of genuine thankfulness.

Whether we believe whatever good fortune we have is the product of our own labor and talents, random luck, or a gift from God, the fact remains that each of us could spend a full day identifying all the things that merit gratitude.

According to an old proverb, “If you never learn the language of gratitude, you’ll never be on speaking terms with happiness.”

I’m still a beginner, but it’s true; the more I appreciate, the happier I am. That’s a lesson I want my children to learn.

Michael Josephson

Appreciating Appreciation by Michael Josephson

Sir Isaac Newton is best known for his theory of Gravitation and Laws of Motion. But Newton might never have published his work had it not been for Edmond Halley. A well-respected scientist in his own right. Halley visited Newton at Cambridge to discuss a problem he was working on, only to discover that Newton had already solved it.

Halley encouraged Newton to publish his work, and even offered to do it at his own expense. The result was the publication of Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica in 1687, which laid the ground work for the study of mathematics and changed the way people see the world.

Who are you encouraging? And who is encouraging you? As you start a new week, watch out for opportunities in others and in your self. Watch out for little things which could be great thing to someone. Look not at the earth and the dust that blow from it dry surface when the wind disturb it equilibrium. Look at the possibilities, the abundance and the beauty that could sprout from the earth and transform lives and environment. Look at the people who wll benefit drectly from the undertaking and build enviable success from it produce. Look at the satisfaction on your experience seeing someone making greatness out of the litle advice or encouragement you offered.

If you can go all the way and put words into action, why not? The person you help today may have critical solution to a nugding problem tomorrow. be unselfish and be exellence.

Stacy Wiebe wrong on how to how to develop an encouraging heart if you dont already have and I feel it will help. here are the way:

Encouragement goes straight to the heart.In fact, the word itself comes from a combination of the prefix “en” which means “to put into” and the Latin word “cor” which means heart.
Knowing what a big difference encouragement makes in your own life, what can you do to help others “to take heart” when the going gets tough and way feels long?
Become aware of what encourages you, and do those same things for others.
Learn individuals’ “love language”-the special way in which they feel most valued. In his book, The Five Languages of Love, Gary Chapman explains that not everyone’s emotional needs are met in the same way, and that it’s important to learn to speak others’ love language. The five love languages are: words of affirmation, spending quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
If an encouraging thought comes to mind, share it! It may not have the same effect if you wait. Don’t let shyness hold you back. Instead, form a new habit: “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today…” (Hebrews 3:13).
When you introduce someone, add a few words of praise for the person’s abilities, accomplishments, about how they’ve helped you or about the nature of your relationship. It’s encouraging to be praised in front of others.*
When someone is discouraged or hurting, offer specific, practical help. If you ask, “How can I help?” the person might be at a loss to answer. It’s better to ask, “Would it help if I…(specific action) or say, “I would like to…(specific action)?*
Remind fellow Christians of the specific promises of God and characteristics of God. We may know something with our mind, but need to be reminded in our heart. The Apostle Peter wrote, “I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have” (2 Peter 1:12).
Write someone a note to tell them that you’re praying for them. Tell them what you’re praying. You can pray specific Scriptures for individuals such as Romans 15:13, “[I pray that] the God of hope [will] fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Make celebration a more regular part of your relationships. Celebrate others’ victories, large and small-with a note, with coffee together, with a special meal, a congratulatory phone call or just a high-five!
Be specific when you offer words of praise; it makes your encouragement more credible and concrete “You did a great job at…” “I really appreciate that you…” “I was really impressed that you…”
Encourage other believers with a reminder of Christ’s coming. It redirects our thinking to an eternal perspective and ultimate deliverance from the sin and death. “We who are still alive and are left will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words” (1 Thessalonians 5:17b-18).
Realize the power of presence. Just being there is encouraging! When you’re with others, you’re telling them that they’re important. The Apostle Paul closed his letter to the church at Colosse promising to send his friend Tychius “that he may encourage your hearts” (Colossians 4:8b).
If you’re part of a church, Bible study or fellowship, be committed to showing up. Your simple presence encourages others that they are part of a community of faith and that they are not alone. That’s why the writer of Hebrews says, “Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as we see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25).
If someone you know is working on a large project, send her a single flower to encourage her at the beginning of the project, and a full bouquet when it’s done.*
Use encouragement as an outreach. If anyone should be known for being an encourager, it should be the Christian. Write a letter of appreciation to people at work, your apartment manager, your child’s teacher or your doctor. Often when we interact with these people, we are asking for their services. Take time just to say thank you!*
If you really want to encourage someone who gives you excellent service, write a letter of commendation to the person’s boss.*
We could learn something from the way team athletes freely pat, touch and high-five each other in competition. Touch is a powerful encouragement. Be sure to be sensitive in this area, though. Ask someone if you can hug her first. And be careful to be above reproach with persons of the opposite sex.
When you see someone making positive changes in their lives, affirm them. “You seem to have a really great attitude about…” “It may be that I’m just starting to take notice, but I see that you’re…” “Do you think that you are becoming more…?”
Tell people how they’ve encouraged you!

Who is encouraging you?

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into o a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Cowra . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear. When you're intelligent, you know which half.

3 kicks rule

Amazing lesson from Eagle on Change and recreation

Thursday, November 12, 2015

I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.
In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.

However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…
Should be something that is more important:

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days ...
Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.
What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.
That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.
What is the most expensive bed in the world? - "Sick bed" …

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.
Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – "Life".

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – "Book of Healthy Life".

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends...

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.

Which is why in my household, we eat to live. Thanks Steve for the powerful words!!! ‪#‎RIP‬

Steve Jobs’ Last Words -

That a child should die in this country because the house it was living in was too damp and cold and a heater couldn't afford to be run is a shocking state of affairs. This is the kind of thing we associate with Third World countries.

The other thing we connect with those places are children going hungry, where poverty reaches such levels of deprivation that there is not enough food to go round.

New Zealand as a place where children go hungry in a welfare state, where large sums of money are spent each year on aid and assistance, suggests something is radically wrong here.

An equivalent time in this country's history where such conditions pertained would be post 1929 and the Depression. I'm not sure if any child died because of those dire circumstances, but the welfare state had not yet been invented.

So something just doesn't add up.

Today, charity organisations are working flat out just to keep up with demand, feeding multiple hungry mouths. St Vincent de Paul is one of them, doing sterling work, despite thieves stealing over $1000 worth of its food, and more lately other thieves or the same ones damaging the ignition on the charity's food van in an attempt to hotwire and steal that.

It beggars belief, of course. The charity is now forced to build a security fence to keep things secure and safe.

When St Vincent de Paul Waikato manager Mike Rolton was asked why such things were happening in New Zealand and what the solutions might be, he was at a loss to say, although he did mention that homeware trucks targeting poorer areas were part of the problem.

So the poor are buying stuff they can't afford, perhaps don't need, on layby, running up debt and then find they can't feed their children. This is self-inflicted poverty.

I have a simple answer to the conundrum. What if people stopped having children they aren't able to adequately feed and clothe and keep warm? It seems self-evident that if you are not in a position to financially support a family, put adequate food on the table, put warm clothes on any children's backs, then it is highly irresponsible to have them. In fact it is dissolute. You are endangering a child's life.

Stop having them if you cannot afford to look after them properly. It's screamingly obvious. Stop breeding.

Nowadays, it is not too difficult to prevent breeding. You simply swallow a pill, get an injection or get the snip. Science has made life so easy and convenient. Ironically, the people who are breeding the most are the ones least likely to be able to feed their offspring. Do the maths, people. It's not rocket science. You don't need a degree in physics to work it out. Children are expensive items. Not enough food to go round? Then minimise the mouths.

Back in the day, people did seem to comprehend this; or some did, at least. If you couldn't afford to get married, you didn't. The first question the father might enquire of a young man attempting to secure the hand of his daughter would be about his financial capacity to support a family.

The famous American artist Edward Hopper married his sweetheart when he was 40 because, before that, he was a poor struggling artist with few prospects. He couldn't afford to marry. In 1925, his career took off and he felt confident to announce the nuptials.

Of course all that sort of thing is old fashioned these days. But the same logic surely applies. And whether married or not, the advent of contraception has made it even easier to secure a financially positive outcome. No "waiting" is now required, because the fear of pregnancy and fear of penury has been alleviated.

The answer to child poverty is blindingly obvious. Stop having them if you can't afford to feed them. Take control of matters into your own hands and rise above the fickle fortune of global economics, the dearth of unskilled jobs and other outside factors.

Of course, we all know that this is unlikely to happen.

So here's a novel idea. Why not give all males at birth the snip? Then reverse it later when they can prove they are financially capable of feeding any children who might result from a stable partnership or marriage.

Too radical? Too sensible? I can already hear howls of protest from the Libertarian party. People should be entitled to have as many children as they like, when they like, even if they are incapable of feeding them.

People who work in budgeting services and really know the score tell me that dire poverty is often a result of crippling debt. The poor have bought stuff they cannot afford and do not need on credit that accrues high interest rates. You cannot run and service a car, for example, if you are on welfare, but apparently many do, resulting in no food for their numerous children.

Here's another solution. Welfare payments should be paid direct to power companies and landlords, while the provision of food stamps are made for food (excluding alcohol and cigarettes). After that, you'd not see a single child turning up to school without breakfast or a lunch pack.

originally Published in www.stuff.co.nz/

If you can't afford to feed your kids, you shouldn't have had them by PETER DORNAUF

A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

The Blind Clerk

There was this beautiful woman, who wanted to get married, but she wanted a very pious husband, so she said that she’ll marry the man who recites the whole Quran every single day, fasts for the whole year and stays awake and worships Allah all throughout the night.

She was a very beautiful woman, and a lot of suitors wanted to marry her, but they knew they couldn’t fulfil the conditions she set. Until this one man stepped forward and said he could fulfil them. So the Imam got both of them married.

After the first night of the marriage, the wife sees that the husband doesn’t recite the whole of the Quran, nor does he fast, nor does he stay awake in the worship of Allah, she decided to let it roll on for a few weeks to see if there were any changes, there weren’t, so she filed a complaint and asked for a divorce.

They are both taken in front of the judge, and the judge asked, ‘What were the conditions of the marriage?’ the man replied ‘They were for me to recite the whole Quran daily, keep fast for the whole year and to worship Allah all throughout the night.’

The Judge asked, ‘ did you fulfil them? The man calmly answered, ‘…yes.’

The judge answers, ‘you lie, your wife has said that you don’t, that’s why she’s asking for a divorce’.

But the man insisted that he had fulfilled the conditions, so the judge asked, ‘did you recite the full Quran everyday?’ The man answered yes. The Judge, baffled asked, ‘how? How can you do that?’ The man coolly answered, ‘I recite Surah Ikhlas three times a day and according to Prophet Muhammad (saw), reciting Surah Ikhlas three times is equivalent to reciting the whole Quran.’ The Judge was intrigued, so he asked, ‘how did you fast the whole year?’ The man answered, ‘ I fasted for the whole month of Ramadan, then kept another six fasts in the month of Shawwal, according to Prophet Muhammad (saw), keeping all of the fast of Ramadan then keeping six fasts in the month of Shawwal, is as if you have fasted for the whole year.’

The Judge remained silent, he couldn’t give a reply saying the man was wrong, so finally he asked, ‘ how did you stay awake all night and worship Allah, when your wife saw you sleeping?’ The Judge thought the man wouldn’t be able to answer this one, but the man, cool as a cucumber answered, ‘I prayed Salatul Isha with jamaat, then the next day prayed Salatul Fajr with jamaat, according to Prophet Muhammad (saw), the one who prays Salatul Isha and Salatul Fajr with jamaat, it is as if he had stayed up all night worshipping Allah.’

The Judge sat there looking at the man; the final verdict was about to be released…

He said to the man and his wife, ‘…go, just go, there is nothing wrong with this marriage’…

Just go, there is nothing wrong with this marriage

Be yourself

Ask a flower in the field: ‘Do you feel useful?
After all, you do nothing but produce the same flowers over and over?’
And the flower will answer:
‘I am beautiful, and beauty is my reason for living.’

Ask the river: ‘Do you feel useful?,
given that all you do is to keep flowing in the same direction?’
And the river will answer: ‘I’m not trying to be useful,
I’m trying to be a river.’

Don’t try to be useful.
Try to be yourself: that is enough, and that makes all the difference.
Walk neither faster nor slower than your own soul.
Because it is your soul that will teach you the usefulness of each step you take.

Sometimes taking part in a great battle
But sometimes you can do that simply by smiling,
for no reason,
at someone you happen to pass in the street.
Without intending to,
you might have saved the life of a complete stranger,
who also thought he was useless and might have been ready to kill himself,
until a smile gave him new hope and confidence.

... Dr Mahesh

Be Yourself

You were born in a first class hospital, I was delivered at home, we both survived.

You went to a private primary school and I went to a public school, we both ended in the same high school.

You woke up from the bed and I woke from the floor, we both had a peaceful night rest.

Your outfits are all expensive, mine are all simple and cheap, we both still cover our nakedness.

You ate fried rice and roasted chicken, I ate local made food but we both still ate to our satisfaction.

You ride on Lexus jeep, Range Rover, G Wagon, Hummer Jeep and I use public transport but we still got to our various destination.

You may be reading this post from your Sony xperia, BB Z10, Q10, Samsung Galaxy 6edge, IPhone6+ and I typed it with my Touch one broken screen, we still see the message.

Lifestyle is not a competition and there are different ways to get a lot of things done, different lanes all leading to the same destination. Just because your neighbour is doing things faster does not mean you are failing.

Happiness doesn't come from having everything, but making the best out of what you have, it's all about how you see yourself.

Happiness is not having what you like. Happiness is liking what you have and being content.

Happiness is not having what you like.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

One day, a mountaineer was going up a very high mountain.

He was so proud; he was climbing all by himself.

It was very dangerous to climb up a snowy mountain all alone, but he was so proud, he believed he didn’t need anyone.

By nightfall, common sense dictated that he set up camp. But he kept climbing because he wanted to reach the summit quickly.

But in his exhaustion, his foot slipped.

And he found himself free falling through the air. He closed his eyes and saw flashbacks of his life.

All of a sudden, he felt a jolt—and violent pull around his waist. The rope tied around his belt saved him!

In total darkness, he was now hanging onto his rope.

And he shouted, “God, if you’re up there, save me!”

Suddenly, he heard a voice say, “If you believe that I can save you, do what I tell you to do…”

He answered, “What should I do?”

The voice said, “Cut your rope.”

“Wha…what?” he said.

“Cut the rope and let go,” the voice said.

After a few moments, he shouted again, “Is there anyone else up there?”

The next day, mountain climbers saw his limp body, hanging by the rope, frozen to death. The curious thing about what they saw? He was hanging only 2 feet from the ground.

Let's try not to be so proud even in the point of death. Many people are like that: They trust in their rope more than in their God. They trust in their money, in their abilities, in their connections, in their intelligence more than in their God.

Let's cut the rope and trust in God.

Cut the Rope…

Friday, October 9, 2015

In principle, having a job is good for your health. It provides a sense of purpose, offers human contact, creates routine and gives you the remuneration that buys access to healthier lifestyles away from junk food and daytime TV.

Of course, not all working environments are beneficial. In many parts of the developing world, sweatshop conditions are still in place, workers are breathing in asbestos, passive smoking is the norm, temperatures are freezing cold or boiling hot, or the buildings themselves are unsafe. So when we talk about work being bad for us, let’s remember this is a first world problem.

However within this relatively privileged realm, work can still be detrimental to your health. Too many people are spending too much time in front of a screen, getting caught up in back-to-back meetings, eating lunch on the hop, if at all, sitting for hours at a desk, worrying about work at night, consuming too much caffeine, and winding down from the whole thing with a few drinks too many.

So here are 10 tips on how to keep healthy at work.

1 Stand up

Sitting in a chair isn’t natural and it causes the internal organs to sag. Core muscles will be worked more by standing. While standing meetings have waned, the latest fashion is for desks you stand at. Standing up burns calories too. If you can’t get round spending most of your day on your derriere, try flexing your ankles, squeezing your buttocks, tightening your stomach muscles, while you’re there. Imagine you’re on a long-haul flight, because that’s essentially what the modern workplace is like.

2 Get some fresh air

Instead of eating your sandwich at your desk, go outside, even if it’s wet. Fresh air gets the lungs working and the blood flowing. In the time you spend dithering about which task to do next, you could have taken a walk around the block.

3 Take the stairs, not the lift

If you’re not working in a skyscraper, you should use the staircase as an opportunity to burn some calories and exercise your joints. Exercise doesn’t have to take place only in a gym.

4 Look away now

When working on the computer, make sure you regularly look away from the screen and rest your eyes on the furthest point you can find. Change in focal length is as good as rest. And remember to blink. We blink less when in front of a screen, meaning the eyes dry up and get tired.

5 Turn your devices off in the evening and overnight

When you leave your devices on, they subtly remind you of work you should be doing, thus cutting into your necessary recovery time.

6 Go to sleep

How you sleep is vital to your health at work. More and more studies are reminding us of the value of sleep to our sanity and effectiveness as people – one went as far to suggest the working day should start at 10am. Even a short nap can make a difference, so find a place in the day where you can take 40 winks.

7 Be more French

The French take time to eat lunch, sometimes even over two hours. Eating slowly is good for you. It’s also better to have your main meal at lunch rather than dinner as it gives you more time to digest.

8 Drink water

Lots of offices are air-conditioned or overheated, and the result is dehydration. That ages us, causing our skin to wrinkle more quickly. We need water to lubricate our whole system. Keep a glass of water on your desk to sip at.

9 Cut down on caffeine

Coffee is dehydrating and because of its caffeine content, it can affect how we sleep. If you’re a coffee addict, consider switching to decaf. But do it over time. Going cold turkey can cause headaches.

10 Do tasks for other people

Health isn’t just about the body. It’s about a sense of wellbeing. We tend to feel best when we are altruistic. Whether it’s helping someone across the road during your lunch hour or taking on somebody else’s task at work, you’ll feel better as a result.

Is work making you sick? Here are 10 ways to feel better

If you’re thinking about getting married — pause for a minute and answer these questions.
Humble yourself.. Of course you’re in love. You know you’re ready to vow “through sickness and health … until death do us part” – however, take a deep breath, And consider these questions.

1. Can they handle conflict?
Conflict is certain in marriage, but that’s not all negative. Learning to resolve conflict can have many positive benefits, provided you learn how to handle conflict in a healthy way. Healthy conflict gives birth to intimacy and understanding. Unhealthy conflict creates bitterness and resentment. “Two major red flags of unhealthy conflict management are stonewalling (the silent treatment) and any form of violence. If someone is a little too angry as a boyfriend/girlfriend, they will be much too angry as a spouse,” “Marriage typically increases conflict and the potential for anger.”

2. Does he/she share your faith?
The deeper you hold your faith, the more difficult it is to compromise on this, particularly if you decide to have children. So many couples have come back to me after they have children and ask, “What do we do now?” when trying to decide where to worship and even how to acknowledge the birth (Baptism? Dedication?) There’s no easy answer here. A common faith holds a family together, not just on a weekly basis, but on major holidays throughout the year—which means that every such occasion will remind you of your disconnect as a couple if you share a significantly different expression of faith that makes you want to be in two different houses of worship at any one time.

3. Will they kiss divorce good-bye?
Every marriage eventually proves to be difficult at times. Human nature is such that if there’s an easy “off-ramp,” we tend to want to take it. Marry someone who is committed to working through every challenge you face without considering divorce as an option.

4. Will they be a spectacular parent?
You’re not just choosing your future husband or wife; you’re choosing your kids’ future dad or mom. It’s impossible for you to imagine how much you’ll love your children; they will pull emotions out of you that you didn’t even know you had. And on the day you bring them home, you’ll be so glad you picked someone who will be a fantastic parent, or you’ll grieve that they have to put up with someone who is neglectful or, even worse, abusive. “If you plan on having kids, your marriage isn’t just about you, “Your future spouse’s suitability as a parent is a major deal to consider.”

5. Do they pray?
The older we get, the more it seems we need to pray. Our circle of influence widens. People ask us to pray for them. The task of being married requires daily prayer—we pray about how to love each other, for the strength to serve unselfishly, and for wisdom for many decisions. Few couples married for several years have s*3x every day—but every thoughtful Christian will pray every day, so put “prayer aptitude” at least as high as s*xual chemistry in your list of what matters in a potential spouse. Being married to an active pray-er is a true blessing. By the way, a quick test to know how often someone prays is simply listening to what they talk about. Do they ever share what God is challenging them with? If they’re not regularly talking about God, they’re not regularly talking to God. If he/she never shares anything about their devotional times, that’s a good sign that they don’t really have significant devotional times.

6. Do they know how to forgive?
James 3:2 says, “We all stumble in many ways.” That includes you. The Bible testifies that, in marriage (and out), you will stumble in many ways. If you marry someone who doesn’t know how to forgive, your marriage will soon be weighted down with heavy resentment and bitterness.

7. Do they know how to communicate?
Communication is essential to build new intimacy when infatuation fades (which it will). If you marry someone who is fearful of communication or unskilled at communication, your marriage will fall into an intimacy rut. Joshua Harris writes, “You can’t love what you don’t know. You can’t be truly loved if you’re not truly known. And the only way to know and be known by another person is to communicate—openly, honestly, sincerely, humbly.” Women, however much your boyfriend talks to you, imagine marriage will have 25% less talk. (I’m not suggesting it should be that way, just that it often is.) Will that be enough? If he’s already borderline in this area, you’re likely to become very frustrated after marriage.

8. Is he/she humble?
The only thing worse than being married to someone who isn’t perfect, is being married to someone who isn’t perfect but who thinks they are. People without humility can never grow; they spend all their energy defending themselves rather than evaluating themselves and making appropriate corrections. Ask yourself, does this person ever serve others, or do they insist on being served? Do they show empathy toward the feelings of others or are they always trying to impress? Do they show initiative in caring for others, or are they obsessed with how they are treated or appreciated?

9. Are they a giver or a taker?
The sad reality is, some people are givers and some people are takers. Givers don’t always mind being in a relationship with a taker because they like to give; it brings them joy. But marriage is a long journey and there will eventually be seasons when the giver needs to receive. In those instances, can your taker learn to give? In most cases, sadly, the answer is no. When a taker has to give, he feels sorry for himself even more than he feels empathy for you. “Ask yourself, when you spend time with your partner, do you feel drained or invigorated?” “Would you describe the relationship as healing and supportive, or exhausting and combative?”

Questions You Should Ask Before Saying ‘I do’

You’ve been together now for a while. Long enough to know how your significant other takes his or her coffee, what kind of deodorant they use and what they wear to bed (if anything). Despite the amazing chemistry between you and the regular declarations of love made, you are not quite sure of your future together. Is this person willing to take the next step? Are you willing to wait? Here are some signs that your relationship is not going to progress to the place you want it to go:

1. When you bring up the future of your relationship, you get into an argument.

Your significant other gets defensive and comes up with lots of excuses about why you’re A) not exclusive B) not moving in together C) not getting engaged or D) engaged, but not ready to plan a wedding. Your ego is bruised after these conversations. You can’t get a clear answer and are usually referred to words like “it’ll happen soon,” or “I just need more time,” or “can we talk about this later?” All excuses point to NOWHERE.

2. The family pulls the puppet strings.

If your significant other has not cut the cord with his/her family, you may be in trouble, particularly if the family is completely overbearing and opinionated. The worst-case scenario is if the family doesn’t like you. That sort of animosity does not easily disappear. You could be clinging to a bleak future if you marry into a meddling mother-in-law, demanding father-in-law, or even a controlling sibling. If the family doesn’t want them to marry you, there’s a very good chance it’s not going to happen unless you’re willing to navigate a hostile environment on a regular basis.

3. You’ve lost that loving feeling.

Bickering and pushing each other’s buttons has become the norm in your relationship. You used to feel sparks and butterflies but you can’t remember the last time you were excited to see your significant other. You find yourself grateful when your significant other has made other plans without you. You tell yourself that you just need some time on your own to unwind. But the fact that you can’t unwind WITH your significant other is a problem. Every conversation sets your significant other off. They used to be patient, soft spoken and interested in everything you had to say. Now you find yourself carefully thinking about each word that leaves your mouth in case it will set them off. You’re also finding that the relationship is a lot more work than it used to be. The flame has fizzled and it’s not coming back any time soon.

4. Celebrations bring up conflicted feelings.

Engagement parties, weddings, and babies make your significant other uncomfortable. When a new invitation or announcement arrives, you are guaranteed to receive a rolling of the eyes or a, “Why would anyone in his or her right mind get married?” It’s also a struggle to get your significant other to be your date to any sort of life celebratory events. It’s important to find out if you’re battling someone who just hates getting dressed up for occasions like these or if they put pressure on him or her to have their own life celebrations.

5. They’re not a great listener.

You’re extremely supportive of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s professional endeavors but when YOU are having an issue at work, it’s minimized. Any attempts by you to vent or seek guidance or even a good ear are rebutted. You’re then told to “suck it up” or “just quit” without any attempt to assist you in coming up with possible solutions for coping with your current issue. You feel hurt and alone more often than you ever thought possible for being in a relationship.

6. The future is bleak.

He or she speaks about long-term plans that do not involve you. Perhaps it’s a different city that they plan to live in, a job in a different time zone, or even traveling abroad. You start wondering whether you missed a conversation or weren’t paying attention when these plans were originally suggested. When you try to include yourself in the plans, you’re not exactly given a warm welcome. You question his or intentions of the future and are responded to with a shoulder shrug or a mumbled answer. You start searching and questioning for any indication that your relationship outlook is not as fleeting as you feel it is. Can he or she really be so unconcerned whether you join them or not?

7. Ultimatums go nowhere.

You opt for the dramatics of declaring that perhaps you should end things now if this person is not ready to commit or move forward. You throw something. Or cry. Or cry and then throw something. You storm out of the room. Out of your home. Out of a restaurant. Out of a car. You are not followed. 48 hours have passed and nobody has shown up with flowers, candy, love letters, and boatloads of apologies.

8. There’s a questionable exclusivity factor.

You start sending flowers and love letters to yourself in the hopes that your significant other may see and become jealous. You hope he or she may have a sudden epiphany that somebody else has deemed you marriage material and that they have been mistaken in waiting another second before declaring you the love of their lives and becoming exclusive, moving in with, proposing or marrying you IMMEDIATELY. When your significant other is finally presented with hints of another suitor’s presence, he or she shows signs of relief and says something like, “Okay, good. I didn’t know you wanted to see other people, too. I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

9. Red flags are waving.

Your significant other has a tendency to gamble. A LOT. Or drink. A LOT. Or to befriend suspect, sexually attractive strangers. At ALL. Red flag behaviors that bother you a tiny bit become gargantuan once you’ve made a decision to commit to them. The more attached you become to a person, the more attached you become to his or her problems.

10. Deal-breaker or compromise?

You’ve had a couple of discussions about the future and learned that you are not on the same page in terms of wanting to have children, how to raise those future children, religious practices of your household, or how to deal with finances. If one of you is a big spender and the other is as cheap as cheap comes, you’ve got an uphill battle in terms of budgeting money for the things you’ll need. Some issues can be compromised on but the bigger ones (children vs. no children, religion, debt) are usually deal-breakers. TC mark

10 Signs Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere Fast. Stacey Becker

In the world there is this idea that self-control is about repressing something. For instance, if someone wants to drink wine, we usually tell that person: “You need to have self-control not to drink.”

Self- control is usually about going over the “temptations” in life, for the sake of feeling beyond our “normal” wants and desires.

The word “temptation” is truly a misleading word. All of the sudden, to drink wine becomes a “temptation,” something “negative,” something which we must resist… :-)

In fact, the problem is not wine, but it is our own "whining" :-) our mind-set and lack of “self-control” to behave in a non-damaging way.

The world of duality is the one that we live in. There is every object, every situation, every thing which could be easily put in convenient opposite labels. The most common: “good and bad.”

Please see how our mind is set up to believe in things as merely representing one side of the spectrum: They are either in the light or in darkness. Our beliefs then, can make a religious ideal, a dogma or way of living based on a static idea of something, which is continually changing in time.

Wine is neither bad nor good. It could be useful in some occasions and not useful in others. It all depends in our circumstances, our state of consciousness and our own openness to see things beyond a defining label.

If someone is an addict of drinking wine, obviously the issue is not “wine” itself but the issue is with a personality, but to extend that personality to all people, that is; to assume and place everyone under the same label... is a very costly but comfortable assumption.

When we observe the movement of life and duality, we could see that there will be things bringing pleasure and pain. Many times we reject one side and try to get a hold of the other, not realizing that things will change by itself. The day changes into a night without our help, without our judgment, without considering our beliefs.

Nevertheless, enjoyment of the Moon happens at night. Enjoyment of the Sun, is in the day. To be in the day longing for the Moon to appear … That is the issue of many!

To call the day “bad” because there is no Moon there, is to reject what is there and to live without fullness.

Self control then is that art to move according to time and circumstances, to flow with life without having a mental label or script to determine how our life should be lived.

Self control is about knowing the right time for everything since nothing remains the same. When we act with self control there is neither rejection nor indulgence. There is enjoyment at every step for living is not a thought, it is not a static idea of how things should be, but rather is a flow, a dance where the steps in dancing are not the same for all tunes.

In this way our mental structures will collapse, they will not be able to construct a being which is constrained by ideas and beliefs; but rather a human being in tune with the totality, with the wisdom of knowing the timings in life…

There is time to live, there is a time to die. A time to smile, and a time to cry...There is a time to enjoy and another... to keep enjoying...the movements, the seasons of life. :-)

copied

Self Control

Someone had to remind me,

So I'm reminding you, too. Don't laugh.... It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50 Or being over 60 And heading towards 70 or beyond!

1.. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation,

you are likely to be released first.

3.. No one expects you to run --

anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'5.. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.7.. Things you buy now will

never wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.9..

You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10.. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12.. You quit trying to hold

your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14.. Your eyes won't get much worse..

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16.. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18.. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.And you notice these are all in big print for your convenience.

Forward this to everyone You can remember Right now!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:

Never, NEVER, NEVER , Under any circumstances, Take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on The same night!

At the root of every gray hair, there is a dead brain cell.

You might have heard the story about the two wolves. If not, here is the refresher.
The old man told his son that a battle between two wolves inside each one of us goes on all the times. First wolf is the Evil character wolf; it produces germs of anger, envy, sorrow, greed, arrogance, stress, lies and tension in our minds. Whereas, the second one is Good character wolf; it generates the energy for hope, peace, happiness, truth, generosity and ethics in our mind, heart and soul. The son asked, so who wins the battle? The old man replied, the one which you feed more!

The story has a superb driving force motivating us to do our self audit. The question is that which wolf we feed daily and how much? If we surround ourselves in negative character people, do back biting, leg pulling, learning tricks to deceive people and talk pessimist events or ideas then definitely we are strengthening the Evil Wolf. On the contrary, if we spend our times with nice and positive people, read good books, focus on solutions, and assist people in resolving their problems then we are encouraging the Good Wolf to overcome the Evil one. In the long run, the Wolf represents our character because eventually our character gets molded either in to a Good Wolf or Evil Wolf.

The story of two wolves

Cartoonist Gunduz Agayev has no intention to stop. The cartoonist who has created several series of illustrations so far, has chosen again the theme of universal human rights and justice portraying Femida (Themis) in different countries. “I have spent 15-16 days for this volume. I drew thinking and reading about the situations in these countries. These illustrations depict the real conditions in the countries.”